Dragon Fixation (Onyx Dragons Book 1) Page 10

  “I’m sorry.”

  He stumbled, catching his toe on the concrete as her words hit him mid-stride. She looked up at him as he caught his balance.

  “What are you sorry for?”

  “Those words I said to you.” She sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees. “You didn’t deserve those. I’m ashamed of what I said. You were correct. I’m just as much to blame for this as you.”

  He sat down near her, crosslegged. “Your emotion and sense of dedication is one of those things that are the core of who you are, Carla. They are part of what make you the woman that I know is my mate.” He swiftly waved off her protests. “Whether you choose me or not, does not change what I know to be true in my heart. My soul. That’s not why I speak, though.”

  “Why, then?”

  “Because I don’t want you to feel shame for the passion that is your duty. This is what you have made of the past decade-plus of your life. To have that all ripped away from you with no warning is going to hurt. It’s going to leave you feeling raw and vulnerable. I do not hold it against you for lashing out at me.”

  “You don’t?”

  “No,” he said with a smile. “Because you actually said one truthful thing among them, which means you’re starting to believe.”

  She frowned. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “You called me scaled,” he said.

  “I…it was an insult, Thorne. Not a compliment.”

  “Perhaps. But it still means you think I am a dragon.”

  Carla opened and closed her jaw a few times. “I’m not sure you’re interpreting that right, but if it makes you happy and keeps you willing to forgive me, then I’m okay with it.”

  “Good.”

  “I don’t know what to do about this.” She sighed and lay back against the sweater, turning her head so she could still regard him.

  “What do you mean? Isn’t it obvious? We march back to base, I say I had you under a spell, and that it was my fault. They reinstate you to your unit, and I go back to sleep.”

  “What? Thorne, no!” she sat upright. “You can’t do that.”

  “Sure I can.” He shrugged. “It’s not that big a deal. You need to be with your unit. Whatever it takes.”

  “But what if I want to be with you too?”

  Thorne swayed slightly, placing one hand on the asphalt to steady himself.

  “It’s not that I don’t like you,” she said, continuing on, oblivious to the reaction her earlier words had gotten from him. “I do. You’re a great guy, and when I’m being honest and open like this, which I know I don’t do often, I’ll admit I do like you. You’re right though, I do need to be with my unit.”

  “Right,” he said, tight-lipped. “Your unit.”

  “What I don’t understand, and what nobody will explain, is why I can’t do both. I’m competent. Better than competent, truthfully. I can still be with my unit, and then also have you. All they need to do is assign you to Fort Banner so that you’re close by. If they want us together for whatever reason, then why wouldn’t they do that?”

  He frowned. For whatever reason? Did she not know why they wanted her to stay with him? Why they were so desperate for her to realize that she was his mate, that they were going about it all wrong?

  A memory came back to him.

  “Look, buster, I may be a badass battlesuit bitch, but you had me drinking pitchers of beer and doing shots of hard liquor. I can hold my own normally, but your tolerance is insane! I was an absolute wreck that night, spent it around the toilet. So no, I don’t really remember a damn thing besides that, and drunkenly kissing you like some boot camp newbie!”

  He remembered that conversation now. His focus had been on trying to kiss her again, and in that particular memory he’d all but missed the fact she’d admitted to not remember the day before. Including his revelation about what being mated did to a dragon’s powers against an Outsider.

  Everything about her confusion suddenly fell into place.

  Opening his mouth he started to tell her, but fell silent in thought. If he told her now, it might scare her off. To realize that everyone around her thought that she was mated to him might make her begin to think so as well. But she wouldn’t view it as the positive that it was. After all, everyone had their different reasons.

  Thorne wanted her to accept that she was his mate so that they could move on to the next chapter and start to forge their life together, somewhere far away from the military and hordes of Outsiders that threatened their very existence. Colonel Mara, however, had her own reasons, hoping to use him as a weapon in her fight.

  But Carla wouldn’t see either of those. All she would see is two different parties trying to push her into their camp. Bullying her. Both using whatever tactic they could to get their way.

  “I just don’t get it,” she said again. “What’s wrong with me?”

  The anguish in her voice was too much. He couldn’t stand to hear her doubting herself like this.

  “Oh Carla. No,” he said, reaching out to rest a hand on her kneecap. “You’ve got this all wrong.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “This isn’t about you.”

  “It’s not?”

  “No,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s about me. About what I am, and what you are to me. Because out here, you’re safe. You won’t be struck by a stray bullet, or have your life stolen from you by the touch of an Outsider.”

  “That’s what I signed up for!” she snapped. “I know the risks; I’m not an idiot. I’m deployed to the front lines, Thorne. I’m well aware of my low life expectancy.”

  “Which is exactly why you’re out here. To increase that.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “How much do you remember of the first day we met?” he asked.

  “Not much. Getting drunk with you, kissing you to prove I was your fake mate. That’s about it.”

  “So you don’t recall me talking about the Outsiders, and how being mated affects our ability as dragons to fight them?”

  “No,” she said slowly, her eyebrows furrowing together. “I don’t.”

  “Right.” And so he explained to her just how the bond of the mated pair worked. That it provided a shield of lifepower too strong for even the Outsiders to penetrate, that it gave dragons the ability to kill the things, not just wound them.”

  “So if I’m out here,” she said, following that chain of logic. “Then you’re free to fight them and kill them, without worrying about me dying, at which point you’d become vulnerable.”

  “Precisely.”

  Carla fell into thought, looking up into the sky. “They’re keeping me here until I come to believe that I’m your mate. Because you need me.”

  “They want to use me, yes.”

  “And I would make you more powerful.”

  Thorne responded nervously, knowing where the conversation was going, and yet completely unsure of the response he was going to get. “Yes. The love of my mate and the bond we would share is a powerful force.”

  Love. There, he’d said it.

  The word was finally out there for her to hear, to understand what drove him to do the things he did. The undying yearn to make her happy, to do whatever he could for her, all came from the same source. It was no surprise that he’d spoken it at long last.

  But what was she going to say?

  Chapter Sixteen

  Carla

  It wasn’t a complete surprise to her what he’d said. That he was in love with her.

  He hadn’t needed to actually speak the word. Carla just knew. Somehow she’d always known, as if everything just made sense that he loved her. Every little action screamed of it as she looked at it with the clarity of hindsight. How she’d never thought about it before was a better question, but not one she dwelled upon much.

  If she’d thought about it before, the idea would have scared her off. Caused her to run away. So it simply hadn’t occurred to her. Now though, now tha
t she had openly admitted to caring about him to both Colonel Mara, Thorne, and herself, the full extent of everything revealed itself.

  Thorne loved her. But did she love him?

  Her immediate answer was no. Emphatically so. Carla was not a believer of love at first sight. Lust, sure. An immediate connection upon meeting? Possible. But hard and fast love, with all the emotional complexity and the demands it placed upon a person’s mind, body and soul? No. That took time to develop.

  And yet you just acknowledged that Thorne loved you. He hasn’t known you any longer than you’ve known him. What is the difference?

  The difference was that he was a dragon. To him, being mated—this bond he spoke of—was normal for him. Expected, even. There was no slow burn. He simply knew, and that was that. There was no argument in his mind.

  Unlike Carla, who was likely to toil over this question for days, if not weeks, until she finally had an answer to whether or not she loved Thorne. Which is exactly the question he was waiting to hear the answer to.

  “How do we know that this is for real?” she asked, trying to buy herself some time while also changing the subject ever so slightly.

  “Vanek,” he said, naming one of the other dragons. “He spoke about how after Harlow proclaimed her love for him, a blue energy field prevented the Outsider from draining his life force and actually disintegrated the limb that was touching him. Then he said it empowered him to finally kill the creature, burning it from the inside out with a strength he’d never known before.”

  Carla frowned. She knew who Vanek was, having heard the name. But what she was hearing was more than slightly fantastical.

  Thorne seemed able to read her mind. “You don’t believe.”

  “Accepting that you’re a massive fire-breathing dragon is hard enough. As is the fact that there’s a portal from our world to another that has disgorged some aliens onto our planet that seem hell-bent on destroying everything.”

  “I don’t think the two remaining ones are a threat for that. If they were, they would have disappeared into population centers and absorbed tens of thousands of lifeforces, growing so strong we would never be able to stop them.”

  “Why haven’t they done that?” she asked, trying to think about it from a military perspective.

  “We aren’t certain of course, but we suspect that they’re scouts. Perhaps they only have a certain amount of lifeforce they can absorb, or maybe they’re under orders to learn more about us without being discovered. We don’t really know. All that matters is that they never reach the portal to reveal what they know about us to their masters.”

  Carla nodded. That would be devastating. She was well aware that the military needed all the help they could get, and that in back channels they were pulling all sorts of strings to get increased funding and push weapons through research and development even faster. They would do whatever it took.

  Understanding slammed into her. They would do whatever was necessary to save their country, and the world. Including ripping one young woman out of the military and forcing her to be mated to a dragon, so that he could become their most formidable weapon of all.

  They needed Thorne. Badly. There were only three other dragons, and from what she’d been told, countless legions of their enemies. Her battlesuit might be the pinnacle of tech, but it was nothing compared to what Thorne would be able to do if he truly was a dragon like he said.

  Fuck you, Colonel Mara. I’m not a puppet you can operate like a marionette, using me to super-charge Thorne for you.

  There had to be more to it than that, though. If that were the case, there was still no reason for keeping her away from Fort Banner, where she could also be of use. Besides the keeping her safe bit, of course. But with the invasion slated to be years away, could they not have humored her instead of making her mad and introducing even more tension between her and Thorne?

  Unless it’s not you they’re keeping away from Fort Banner.

  But why would they not want Thorne around? She thought hard, and once more she came to what she figured was the right conclusion. Colonel Mara didn’t think Thorne was going to fight. Even as the idea formed, a memory came unbidden, of Thorne saying he wasn’t a weapon to be used. That he was a person who needed to make his own choice.

  Of course. By having him away from the fort, he was more likely to fall for her, and be willing to accompany her into battle. Damn but Colonel Mara was a devious…genius? Bitch? She still wasn’t sure, but it was a sneaky, sneaky plan, and one that she hadn’t seen coming at all.

  The only thing left to be seen was whether Carla was reinstated if Thorne agreed to fight or not. I damn well better be if they know what’s good for them.

  “You look like you have a lot on your mind.”

  She jumped.

  Thorne winced in apology. “Sorry for scaring you.”

  “It’s fine. You’re right, I was...elsewhere. Thinking.”

  “About?”

  “A lot. You know I can’t just force myself to love you, right? Just for the sake of making you more powerful.”

  Thorne laughed. “Of course you can’t! Nobody is trying to force you to love me. They’re just trying to give love itself the best chance to blossom.” He scrunched up his face. “It’s not their fault they don’t understand you at all and keep hamstringing their efforts by trying to keep you away from the base. But they’re doing what they think best.”

  Carla nodded. She wondered if Thorne realized the depth of Colonel Mara’s plans. Was he aware that she was trying to use Carla to manipulate him into staying and fighting? He seemed oblivious to that idea so far, but he’d expressed a willingness to stick around the base for her, so maybe.

  It was probably wise of Colonel Mara not to bring them back until Thorne was fully on board though.

  Which wouldn’t be until she said she loved him.

  And Carla definitely wasn’t ready for that.

  “You’re right,” she said. “They aren’t helping.”

  “They’re just bullying you.”

  She looked up sharply, his tone of voice indicating he knew it was a sore spot for her.

  “Tell me,” he urged. “What happened to you?”

  Carla looked away. “It’s nothing. I was just a kid.”

  But Thorne wasn’t letting himself back down this time.

  He pushed again. “You can trust me, Carla. I’m not out to hurt you, and I think you know that much. Your secret is safe with me.”

  A shape loomed over her, blocking out much of the remaining sun’s light from the mountains. She looked up at Thorne. His hair bounced as his head hung over her, the long strands falling out of place, obscuring much of his forehead.

  Not his eyes though. Pale gold-brown, they stared down at her with compassion and tenderness, pools of deep color that spoke to her of strength and trust. Of caring and an open mind. He was willing to accept whatever it was that she carried with her, no questions asked. The sheer openness he offered her made Carla’s heart ache.

  “When I was young,” she started, speaking to him through those circles of understanding, “there was another girl. A popular girl.”

  Thorne simply nodded, not offering a word. This was her tale to tell, and he intended to do nothing more than listen, a refreshing change. There was no fixing it now; it was decades old by this point.

  “I didn’t have much. I was that girl with ratty old hand-me-down clothing. The one who wasn’t often able to shower or brush her hair. I smelled. I pretended not to know it, but I did. This girl, Bethany-Anne, she led the other kids against me. She would always ask what smelled, and then point at me. She pretended to do it secretly, but everyone could see it. Even me.”

  She could see his huge knuckles turning white as he leaned forward, dark brooding thunderclouds figuratively forming on his forehead. His protective streak was a mile wide, and though she felt confident of her own abilities to handle herself, she liked knowing he cared.

  “You’re probably ask
ing why didn’t I tell the teacher or the principal, and the answer is I did. Them, my mother, a counselor. They all promised to talk to this girl. To have her stop.” She snorted, the single act expressing in one moment all of her disdain for the uselessness of the system. “Nothing happened. She might stop for a few weeks, then it would start up again. At first I would get hopeful it was over. But then I stopped believing what they said.”

  “What did you do?” he asked.

  “Nothing. It started in third grade, and continued till high school. I kept hoping that she would attend a different high school, but she didn’t. By that point I had grown tall enough I wasn’t worried about her trying to fight me, but honestly, that would have been welcome. Then I could have kicked her ass and made it known to everyone that I wasn’t to be messed with.” She shrugged. “But it never happened.”

  “So you just dealt with that, all the way until you graduated?” he asked in awe.

  “Yes. I was bullied, and badly. Only when I got big enough did it stop physically. The verbal barrages got worse, likely because she was frustrated she couldn’t shove my head into the toilets anymore, or things like that.” Her lips peeled back in a silent snarl of anger, frustration, and pain. “Nobody should have to go through that, Thorne. Nobody. I learned to depend on myself because of it, but not everyone is that strong. They shouldn’t have to be. So I joined the military to help prevent those in power from bullying others. Being a counselor seemed pointless, and even now, despite all the anti-bullying campaigns, I doubt it will stop. Children are horrific and always will be, simply because they don’t know any better. Adults though. They know better, and that’s why I signed up, to stop them.”

  She stopped, taking a deep breath. “That’s my secret, such as it is. A childhood of being stepped on has resulted in me getting very, very angry when I’m forced to do things against my will. If I’m going to do something, it will be on my time, when I’m good and ready.”